8/23/19 10:30 ultrasound You undress and exchange pleasantries. You sit on the table. The tech tries to do the ultrasound externally. Says oh they didn't tell you to drink water...we will need to switch to internal. Go empty your bladder. I go and pee and try to breathe. I lay back down. She starts poking around and I look at the screen. It looks pretty similar to my 8 week ultrasound. She is in there for about 5 minutes making measurements. I ask if they check the heartbeat...I am so sorry she says...really slowly...I am so sorry...there is no heartbeat. She passes a box of tissues. They sit on my lap untouched. I am eerily calm. My husband says he doesn't understand. She is still poking around inside me - I ask if everything else inside me is ok. She says yes. She finally says she is done. To change and then they will bring me to a room to meet with the doctor. We enter a new room. A doctor comes in and gives me a hug. She says that our baby stopped growing at around 8 weeks. Now we have three decisions. A. Do nothing - the baby will come out on its own but may take up to 6-8 weeks B. Take medications to get the process moving and complete the miscarriage at home C. Have a D&C Its Friday, so option C isn't really an option until at least Monday. We opt for Option B. with a tentative D&C scheduled for Tuesday. We will go in Monday for a ultrasound check to see if the medications have worked. She sends in the prescription We leave and I ask to stop at the liquor store. We pick up cider. Haven't had a cider in about 3 months. We discuss how we have to tell everyone. We drive right to my moms house. Her door is locked and the TV is really loud. I have a key so I let myself in. A woman is in the process of giving birth on television. Its full blast. I start swearing. We can't find the remote anywhere. Arden finally finds it and my mom makes her way downstairs as I start crying in her kitchen. She starts saying oh my god...oh my god...and embraces us. I cant breathe and ask her to let go. We sit in the living room and explain our appointment. I ask her to tell everyone. We had told everyone our good news. The doctor said that we were good - PGS normal, two good ultrasounds with strong heartbeats. We leave a bit later and pick up the prescription. Friday Evening: We stick pills up inside my vagina that are supposed to start the process. I lay down for an hour as the prescription says to. Our families come over with chinese food and more alcohol. I laugh at something. Good - I still can. No bleeding yet. Family leaves. We had plans to go to a friends for apps - we discuss if we should go. I don't want to put off telling everyone. We go. Really glad I did. We tell our friends and they are very supportive. They share their personal stories. It helps a bit. I bleed some clots and then go to bed. Saturday: The doctor had recommended we lay low for the weekend. **** that! My brother picks us up and we go down Cape to P-Town, get lunch walk around. We go to a concert that evening. Some mild cramping but thats about it. Sunday: We go to our parents for dinner. Some cramping but that is about it. Monday: I go to work and tell a boss I am close to that I may be having surgery the next day. She asks if I am OK to be there. Yup, I say. I have to leave an hour early to go to get another ultrasound. I go to the doctors - they do blood work to prepare for a D&C. I have the ultrasound - everything is still there. I start bleeding heavily after the ultrasound. I expel a large clot in their bathroom and save it for them. They say its not what they are looking for. I put a towel down on my car seat and drive home. Completely bleeding through my clothes and all over the towel. My husband starts a bath for me. I rinse off in the shower and he soaks my clothes in water. Every time I laugh or cough I expel clots which the absurdity of the situation makes me laugh more. My body starts breathing like I am in labor - at least what it kind of looks like on television. I get into the bathtub and stay in there for hours. The bathtub is completely red like in a horror film or a nasty SVU episode. I eventually get out and rinse off again and then go to bed. The D&C is scheduled for tomorrow morning. Tuesday: I call very early and request another ultrasound prior to the D&C. They tell me while I may have started the process, it is very unlikely that I have expelled everything. I advocate for myself. They say they will see what they can do. I get a call back to go right in, they are sending someone from another office to the one near my house and we will do an ultrasound quickly and then head to the D&C. I get the ultrasound - there is nothing there! Completely different than the previous day. We sit in the waiting room for what feels like forever. Finally I speak to the doctor over the phone and she says no need for surgery - everything is gone. To come back on 9/19 for a follow up.