We got home from the NICU and a few of my family members were here to greet us and meet Rose which was nice but I think overwhelming for my husband. We were also exhausted. Everyday in the NICU we had to get a name tag sticker and we piled them on the dashboard of my car. It felt good to throw them away. It was so weird to be home with her. We didn't sleep well those first nights - getting up constantly to check on her to make sure she was ok. We have a great video thing to watch her as well and I remember both my husband and I watching it at the same time while laying in bed. In the first week home, Rose pulled out her NG tube and I messaged my cousin who is a photographer to see if she could do some newborn photos for us. She was over within an hour and we got some beautiful pictures.
The first couple months home is a blur. I went back to work (remotely) two weeks after getting home. I was depressed and anxious. I still didn't even know if I had a job for the year - only has a temporary accommodation for a couple of weeks while they processed the requests. We were overwhelmed by the list of specialists and appointments. We had VNA coming to the house - at first twice a week before I had them cut back. The pediatrician had never had anyone with this diagnosis and the feeding wasn't going well so we had to go in constantly. We got a referral to Early Intervention, saw Nuero-ophlamology, genetics, pulmonary, growth and nutrition, dermatology, neurology, and got two hip ultrasounds bc she had been breech. It was several appointments a week and mentally it was alot. My OB had been offering me anti-anxiety meds since the Spring as I had been anxious about Covid and I kept saying no. I finally said yes.
I should have said yes earlier. As a counselor, I feel like I should be more open to medication but I thought I didn't need it. That I could handle it. I have had to handle alot during my life and am very resilient. My OB said you may be a very strong swimmer and a boat full of strategies, but in a hurricane, everyone could benefit from a bigger boat.